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How do we react when God does something that seems unfair?
For example, what is our natural reaction when a good person dies too young?
In many other religions, the officially condoned response is acceptance,
resignation. To say "enshallah," it was God's will, there is nothing to be done.
Jews, on the other hand, often are not content with a pat answer. We often
turn around and challenge God, as Abraham challenged God when God told him about
the planned destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.
And even if we don't challenge God head on like Abraham did, we often find
ourselves grappling with trying to understand how God could allow something
terrible to happen. Tragedy, difficult times, can be a challenge to faith.
Living in that uncertainty, struggling to make sense out of how God interacts
with the world, is an OK thing to do in the Jewish tradition.
There are religions that brook no dissent. There are religions that consider
it heresy to suggest that God could have done something unjust, or to suggest
that prophets or founders might have had flaws.
A friend described to me how she had some Muslims over for a dinner party a
while ago, and when a Jew suggested that one of the prophets had flaws, the very
idea was met with very strong protest. The Muslim guests accepted the prophets
as perfect. To suggest otherwise was viewed as heresy.
The other night I was watching an episode of OC on TV. For those of you who
don't have teen-age kids, OC is short for "Orange County" and it's about a bunch
of high school kids living in a privileged community in Southern California. You
can tell my teen age daughter is home from college, as it's not a show I usually
watch. Anyway, they were going to celebrate an honorary Bar Mitzvah on
Chrismukkah for a non-Jewish kid (sermon for another time!), and somehow the
topic of saints came up in the conversation. The Jewish kid Seth pointed out,
"oh, we don't have saints in Judaism. We have great stand-up comics!"
There are some Jewish commentators who try to turn the forefathers into
saints. Who make Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob perfect while denigrating others. But
I believe to do so is a great disservice to depth of the teachings.
The central character in this week's Torah portion, Vayishlach, is Jacob, or
Yakov. Yakov comes across as a flawed human being-he engages in deception to
steal the birthright from his brother. And he in turn is deceived by his uncle
Laban.
To me, the fact that our ancestors are depicted as flawed human beings lends
great credibility to the Torah. If you were inventing the origins of your
religion, wouldn't you invent saints? Why use people with flaws if they weren't
real?
Our ancestors didn't even accept their relationship with God in an
unquestioning way. Abraham challenged God over Sodom and Gomorrah; Moses asked
to see God's glory, despite a close relationship with God. And in this week's
parsha, Yakov has a moment of spiritual crisis and doubt and he wrestles with
God in the night.
I find Yakov's struggle with God very comforting in a way. I am reassured to
know that it's OK not to have all the answers, that it's OK not to be
certain-that it's OK to question everything about God, even His very existence.
There is much that we can learn about our own struggles with God from this
week's story of Jacob's struggles with God. In this week's parsha we read:
"And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the break of
dawn. When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he wrenched Jacob's hip
at its socket, so that the socket of his hip was strained as he wrestled with
him. Then he said, "Let me go, for dawn is breaking." But he answered, "I will
not let you go, unless you bless me." Said the other, "What is your name?" He
replied, "Jacob." Said he, "Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel, for
you have striven with God and have prevailed." Jacob asked, "Pray tell me your
name." But he said "You must not ask my name!" And he took leave of him there."
"And Jacob was left alone." We can belong to a community, we can find other
spiritual seekers to study with, to pray with, to meditate with, but ultimately
we confront our questions about God, our anxieties about God, alone. Each of us
has a unique relationship with God.
"And a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn." Here it says that
Jacob struggled with a man-yet later on it says that Jacob struggled with God.
The tradition says that the man Jacob wrestled with was an angel-a messenger or
representative of God. The kabbahlists tell us that angels function as bridges
between people and God, and between the physical world we inhabit, the world of
asiyah, and the next world closer to God, the world of yetzirah, the world of
formation, which is primarily an emotional world. An angel represents a
particular shade of feeling or emotion. From this we see that our struggles with
God are not strictly intellectual-they move into the realm of feeling. So what
"angel," what feeling, was it that Jacob was wrestling with in the night?
Probably the same feelings-the same 'angels'-we wrestle with-doubt, fear,
anxiety, anger. In our struggles with God there are no questions we can't ask
and feelings we might not find. Does God exist? Does God care? What are we to
God? Why does God let such terrible things happen in the world? Those kind of
questions can bring up all sorts of "angels," each one to be struggled with in
turn. Rashi says the word: va ye avek 'wrestled' -- emphasizes the nuances of
twining, knotting round one another, being tied together, embracing and
struggling with each other. The wrestling match with God is a passionate
experience involving the close confrontation of the whole body. Jacob wrestled
with him until the break of dawn-our struggles with God OFTEN happen at
night-not necessarily a physical night, but it can be a metaphorical night, a
time of darkness, a time of difficulty, a time when we might feel that God has
abandoned us, if God was ever with us.
"When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he wrenched Jacob's hip
at its socket, so that the socket of his hip was strained as he wrestled with
him." Sometimes we don't know when to back off-we keep pushing at our doubts and
our fears and we can be injured in that process. Sometimes it might be wiser to
be a little more accepting!
"Then he said, 'Let me go, for dawn is breaking.'" We often do let go when
dawn breaks-when things are going well, people are less likely to be on a
spiritual search. I don't think it's so much God asking to be let go, as us
giving it up in favor of other things.
"But he answered, 'I will not let you go, unless you bless me.'" What is it
that we look for out of our struggles with God? We are looking for blessing in
our lives. That blessing can take many forms. Of course we would like material
blessing, but in our spiritual search, we would be quite happy with spiritual
blessing, with faith, with contentment, with a feeling of a good relationship
with our Creator.
"Said the other, 'What is your name?' He replied, 'Jacob.'" The
angel-God-asks "Who are you?" What is your name-what do you call yourself? How
do you see yourself? Part of the spiritual journey is
introspection-understanding ourselves. And how does Jacob see himself-still as
Yakov, the hanger on, the deceiver.
"Said he, 'Your name shall no longer be Yakov, but Yisrael, for you have
striven with God and men and have prevailed.'" Jacob's encounter with God leaves
him changed. The name Yisrael is usually translated as one who struggles with
God, which is what we learn from the context. However, there are other things
that Yisrael could mean-it could also mean "minister of God," which would imply
one who serves God. The 'sin' of Yisrael looks exactly like a 'shin' in the
Torah which has no dots-if spelled with a shin, the word could mean "straight
with God," or "he will sing to God." In any event, Jacob is transformed by his
encounter with God. Which is what we hope for from our encounter, our struggles,
with God and religion-that we come out of it a better person than we were
before!
"Jacob asked, 'Pray tell me your name.'" We want to know God as intimately as
we know another person. We want to understand God-we want to be able to label
God, to feel like we know what God is all about.
"But he said 'You must not ask my name!'" Ultimately, though, we cannot know
God the same way we know a person. As the kabbahlists tell us, God's ultimate
reality is infinity, and beyond our grasp. We are finite beings-we have a
"name," we have an identity. Our essence can be fathomed-but God's cannot.
"And he took leave of him there." Our pursuit of God, our struggling with
God, goes in fits and starts. It's not equally intense all the time. There are
times when we take a break from the struggle, and settle into a comfortable
complacency in our relationship with God-until the next time something comes
along to disturb our equilibrium.
So if you struggle with God-if you have doubts about God, or if you can't
understand how God could allow certain things to happen-take comfort that you
are being authentically "Yisrael," a God-wrestler. As Elie Wiesel said, "The Jew
may love God, or he may fight with God, but he cannot ignore God."
May God bless us and watch over us, even as we have the temerity to wrestle
with Him!
Amen.
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